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tales of transit

August 5, 2009
tags: ,

I have returned. And in doing so I have remembered that it’s really no wonder so many people get such a crap first impression of L.A.

I flew home out of the airport in Springfield, which is clean and spacious and decorated in a pleasant (if weirdly misplaced) ocean theme. I was wearing earrings that were setting off the metal detectors, and had to run them through the X-ray machine in a little plastic dish. The TSA man rescued the dish from the conveyor belt as soon as it popped out and hurried over to me, saying “Careful now! These things tip over easy. Wouldn’t want you to lose your jewelry!” Inside, every gate has big walls of glass that look out over a bucolic Missouri landscape, in my case including the last vestiges of a really splendid sunset.

Three hours later, my fellow travelers and I deplaned down a back staircase and onto the LAX tarmac, a place that strongly resembles my mental image of Dante’s sixth circle of hell. Our motley parade was led by a flight attendant who apparently missed a few days of air hostess training, muttering darkly and continually about “broken jetway” and “frigging morons.” As I scooted through airport (where the design theme is high-security mental institution) and towards the exit, the soundtrack was supplied by one particularly irate gentleman who was busy reaming the TSA staff a new one. “What? What? You want to destroy my bag all over again, now that you’ve BROKEN INTO IT ONCE ALREADY?” To which the TSA woman replied sanctimoniously, “Sir, TSA does not break into bags. We screen them.”

I giggled all the way down the escalator.

Transit does seem to be an issue for me this week, though. There’s an old adage that if it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have problems with it, and my life is running true to form at the moment.

So tomorrow morning I am taking a sweet ride on one of these:

LA Metro Bus, originally uploaded by So Cal Metro.

through beautiful downtown Inglewood. If I’m not back by the end of the week, you’ll know where to look for me.
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7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 5, 2009 10:15 pm

    i flew this weekend, and seriously, what was going on?? it must be an end-of-summer travel rush because the airport was packed with babies and old people, all of whom i don’t mind normally but somehow become much less cute when they’re in airports. i called ted and told him that all of the babies at the airport were ugly.

    by the time i had to face the incompetent flight attendants, i found myself thinking, “wouldn’t it be great if we had real drag queens for stewardesses instead of just stewardesses who look like drag queens?”

    i don’t know why airports make me so mean.

    ~b

  2. August 5, 2009 10:18 pm

    i flew this weekend, and seriously, what was going on?? it must be an end-of-summer travel rush because the airport was packed with babies and old people, all of whom i don’t mind normally but somehow become much less cute when they’re in airports. i called ted and told him that all of the babies at the airport were ugly.

    by the time i had to face the incompetent flight attendants, i found myself thinking, “wouldn’t it be great if we had real drag queens for stewardesses instead of just stewardesses who look like drag queens?”

    i don’t know why airports make me so mean.

    ~b
    PS: Forgot to say great post!

  3. Kate permalink*
    August 7, 2009 3:12 am

    Beatrix – Totally with you on the drag queens. If they could get the ones who were on that Project Runway episode a couple seasons ago, that would be even better.

    Dad – No political ranting allowed on the blog.

  4. August 7, 2009 1:07 am

    Excellent description of returning to LA. Love the part about the flight attendant missing “a few days of air hostess training”. Ah, and the TSA…..brought to you by the same people who 1) currently manage the U.S. Post Office (now several BILLIONS in the hole) and 2) will soon run your health care. The irate gentleman with the savaged bag will be yelling about his gal bladder to an equally unresponsive and intractable Federal employee who will point out that the HCS (Health Care System) does not fix gal bladders, it just “screens” applicants. My apologies…..I digress. Welcome back to Dante’s Sixth Level. Hot coffee, anyone?

  5. Michelle permalink
    August 11, 2009 10:43 pm

    You have a blog! How could I have missed this? And I love the old adage, btw.

    • Kate permalink*
      September 22, 2009 5:33 am

      I’m only a month late in finding this comment, but hooray, you’re here! 😀

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